Heartache from the past can make it hard to trust.

Many guys come to me questioning their emotional reserve in a new relationship, as remnants of past heartbreak keep their heart’s door closed. 

If you’re a guy and you’ve been hurt by a breakup - perhaps you’re wondering how to open that door again and if you should even bother. 

Here’s the thing, women can sometimes demand emotional commitment from a new flame - right from the very beginning. Sometimes we mis-take a man’s closed-offness as a personal representation of our attractiveness or loveability - and men are often villainised for this. Have you ever been called heartless, or selfishly non-committal for your emotional cautiousness? 

It’s not uncommon - this friction between needs and desires of two opposing forces. Sometimes staying true to your own hear means risking another’s 

But an insightful woman will recognise a good heart. A good man. He has the capacity for kindness. He has the capacity to be supportive and to love. But that does not necessarily imply  that he will walk around as an exposed, open book of a person with all his cards on the table. Sometimes trust does need to be earned, and sometimes that provides a far richer, deeper kind of love than any quick-fix emotional assurance.

If you’re a guy and you’ve had a painful breakup in the past, feeling cautious with someone new is a valid feeling. It’s okay to feel like you’re on the back foot when you find a new relationship - to take the time you need to let them show you that they really care. On one hand - holding the heart’s door closed forever out of fear, denial or determination of ‘love does not exist for me’ may deprive YOU more than anybody else - of embracing the fullness of life. We want to make it a familiar, safe space to be - not a deprived or boundary-less place either. 

But most importantly - who you choose to let in your personal space is always up to you. And you have permission to take it at your own pace. 

Author: Dr Kassi Klein from BLOKES IN MIND

P.S If you would like more support - Dr Kassi Klein offers 1-on-1 Coaching.

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